Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Commish Has "Ruled"

And I am officially appealing. This ruling appears to be based on pure emotion, and unfortunately violates several of the leagues bylaws. I beg him to change his mind before I go all Carlos Zambrano on his behind. This decision appears to be based on beard envy, and is intentionally biased.

Here is his "ruling":
Ok, if I'm going to be commish, I'm taking a cue from Kenesaw Mountain Landis and assuming absolute dictatorial powers for life.

First order of business:
David Wright is permanently banned from baseball for being a smarmy goober who stole Chipper Jones' Gold Glove in '07. All Wright cards -1 pts. Chipper Jones is restored the Gold Glove and gets +1 pts. Don't like it? shouldn't have made me Acting Commissioner for Life.

Ok, a judgement on the matter at hand:
A-Rod road to 500 cards are a complete waste of paper and foil and are an affront to all that is good and vintage. Awful, terrible, useless cards. My first instinct is -10 points, but having pulled many of these from retro packs I know the agony of seeing that shiny holofoil peeking out between the cardboard so I won't add to the pain with such a harsh verdict.

A-Rod Road to 500 cards: -3 pts.


Is Motherscratcher paying you off? If so, I'll double it!

You can't just up and change the rules of the game 1/3 of the way into the season. You especially cannot do so without having a majority vote from the league's owners. While I agree that it was an oversight on our part not to put Chipper on the "stars" list, the game has already started, and we've already been keeping score. Motherscratcher and I are both way too lazy to go back and update our previous scores to reflect your Wright v. Chipper ruling.

As to the A-Fraud ruling, while I can't argue your logic (which is brilliant) I can attempt to pander and flatter you into making that card at least worth 1 point, so I don't lose the pack. I mean he IS on the "stars" list that was decided upon prior to the start of this contest. He is a cheater, and I personally hate him more than any other player in the game, but we're talking about the difference between a win and a loss of a pack here. The stakes are most certainly high. Turk-Offs are not to be taken lightly.

Commish, I beg you to seriously think about possibly changing you mind. You are a wise and reasonable man when not emotionally distraught over perceived slights in the Gold Glove department, or a serious case of beard envy. Think about the integrity of the game, and how important it is that I achieve victory by any means necessary.

My grievance can of course be silenced if the Commish were to send out a large package of Nick Markakis or Adam Jones cards.

I look forward to your revised ruling...Sir.


  1. to quote the commish....
    "this time, It Counts!!!"

  2. Upon review, the Chipper/Wright decision is overturned upon appeal. Since totals have already been tabulated, it is not feasible to go back and change the scores. However an asterisk will be placed upon any record tainted by a Dirty Met.

    The A-Rod ruling stands. Those cards are a blight to the hobby. If you want a second opinion, here are words straight out of Chris Harris' mouth:

    "The A-Rod Road to 500 mirrors are to Topps Heritage (and for that matter every other 2007 Topps set) what Kyle's cousin is to the South Park kids. You wish they'd just go away. But for some reason, they just keep coming back to ruin everything."

    Would you give a point to Kyles obnoxious cousin?? A-Rod Road to 500 card is -3 pts. If you both bought boxes it will even out anyway.

    SMELL MY BEARD - Frank Zappa, You Can't Do That On Stage Vol. 4

  3. Your ruling is both fair and just. Everyone hates those A-Rod inserts, including me. I was just trying at any costs to win, and you can't blame me for that.

    I will not smell yours, or Mr. Zappa's beards, but thanks for the offer. Mine smells bad enough on it's own.